|| emoXgofmic & depressed
All goes well at brunch, until I slip those unsightly words…”I love you,” then it’s all downhill from there. Sean looked straight at me, almost catatonic, just staring…. Then all of a sudden he breaks out into a fit of laughter. I’m left just sitting there, speechless, not knowing what to say or do. For a minute, I thought of getting up and walking out, but I proceeded to stay with hope that he still wanted me. Then came his sinister smile and then came that black-hearted conversation with him…
“What? You’re in love with me….ahhhhahaha.”
“Of course I am, I knew the day we met that we were meant for each other”
He spoke back with a malevolent tone, “Don’t you get it? I only wanted to sleep with you, and even then I fucked you and never spoke to you in public.”
“This can’t be, I know you love me,” I said with a somber expression on my face.
“ Look, the sex wasn’t even that great, and from a scale of 1-10 I would’ve rated you a negative three.”
The tears come down, not like rain, but like blows. I’m left sitting there, paralyzed, like a deer in headlights.
Then to top it all off he told me the sex tape we made together was being distributed throughout school. I mean I always wondered why people at school were snickering whenever I passed through the hallways, but I never thought he would be cruel as to do something like this.
“Well I’m out of here, and you can pay for breakfast,” and in a flash he was gone.
He walked out the door, and walked out of my life, carrying my heart with him.
After a while I started to gather myself, paying the check, and walking back home.
I start to think, maybe Sean and I will be together forever and it all really will work out okay. Maybe I will marry him. Maybe I am Cinderella at the ball. Maybe 16 isn’t too young to know who’s right for you, especially since nothing ever seemed right before Sean. But then I remember when he said those devastating words to me this morning.
I was what you call a complete wreck after the incident. For the first time in my life, my pain had a real focus. And I just couldn’t help myself. I didn’t care what anyone thought, I didn’t care what all the girls in school would say, See, he finally got wise, I didn’t care how stupid I would look with teary mascara stains and purple eyeliner tracks down my cheeks, I didn’t care about anything except how this was the worst pain ever. I used to weep for never having anything worth losing, but now I was simply resplendent-puffy, red, hysterical-with a loss I could identify completely. I feel justified in my sorrow and I can’t stand the way everything about Sean seemed to be everywhere. My God even the lint that gathered on my clothing and still hadn’t come out in the wash reminded me of Sean. Whenever I’m vulnerable, someone like Sean seems to take advantage of me. I loved him, I truly loved him. The happy pills can’t help me put these memories aside; they’re locked into my mind forever. I can see myself thirty years down the road, crying over this, slitting my wrists for him, drinking away my troubles with vodka mixed in with my orange juice at five in the morning. Where do I go from here? I have nowhere to turn, no shoulder to cry on…. My life has come to a sad ending. I have no energy anymore; Sean was my last chance, and now it’s all over for me.